Hey everyone! Before I go on to rant about more pressing stuff that is happening, I just thought I'd tell you more about whats been happening lately in my life. I'm really glad I've been blessed with the opportunities yang dikurniakan oleh Tuhan to do lots of things.
I feel like clearing up some stuff that some people might have been confused over. I'll just lay out everything as it was and you'll get the bigger picture. The good girl that I met November last year.... and me! That's pretty much the story here. Lets get this show on the road! Everyone, allow me to direct this retrospection to our dear friend here.
*Clears throat*
Dear Epal(guna Melayu!)
I would be lying in saying that this relationship has been stable, just as it was in the beginning. We can both say that it is no longer the sort that we thought it would be since November. Since March, this bond has been faced with so many obstacles and challenges in its path. Its safe to say that people thought it had lasted longer than that, some people still have no idea that this relationship has changed it form onto another level. What we have now is a friendship, if you are willing and open enough to call it that. I'm always happy whenever I meet a new person to call my friend!
Before I go on, Epal, let me tell you that everything I write here was writen just the way it happened. All of these are undeniable, albeit unfair, circumstances I have had to face while in this bond.
I've never liked to use the word 'break-up' because it just doesn't do justice to the sort of lengths people go through in a relationship. Thinking of it, there isn't quite a word that would fit this picture. It has really been an alternating series between happy and sadly emotional phases. You said that you wanted to end the relationship, no less than 3 times. For every one of those times, you claimed that your other personas had taken the wheel. You tell me it sounds insane, but I beg to differ. Its not as if nobody else has a second or third persona that shows up at different times. I think I know the couple you have as good as I know the 'asli' version, or good one! Nonetheless, all of them could be convinced to hold on to see what the future would give.
If it was going to work, this relationship needed a mutual nature so that we could help each other. Thank you for helping me see my strengths and weaknesses and for all the good times and memories. And I know that you've picked up and gained all sorts of experiences from this too because you tell me you've learnt. Some of your most uttered phrases were "I've changed" and "I'm sorry". And you know very well that I always forgive people and accept whatever apology they give to me. I believe people must never keep grudges against other people, because it brings nothing but hate and bitterness. My Christian beliefs and my conscience both tell me to be quick to accept those apologies.
You told me that you would never forgive me until I realized my mistake. Maybe the single event that made you say that is still lingering in your mind: you scolded me and stomped off the other day because I threw a piece of stale chicken, with its questionable cleanliness, into a rubbish bin. I hope you were not expecting me to finish the whole piece of that chicken breast. I know your concern: I am supposed to be a humanitarian advocate. It must have seemed questionable that a person who tells people about the tragedy of poverty and starvation around the world threw food into a disposal bin. You were quick to blast me even without finding out about how I got the chicken anyway! Lets lay it flat: my mates and I found a half-finished bucket of KFC chicken, and nobody even knew where it came from. I tried one piece because I thought it would have been a pity to throw the chicken away. The oil and fats were already smearing my fingers in oil when I took it up! Eating it was another story. You certainly wouldn't want to eat a cold, oily, spicy and soft piece of chicken would you? .
It hurt me and I felt humiliated when you said I contradicted my own values. You told me I should not have been so foolish in trying the food if i had an inkling it was bad. I tell you, I have been moved to tears from learning about the suffering of fellow men, women and children all across the places in our world torn by war and conflict. That is why international humanitarian law is my passion and is the focal point of my future career. But I am happy that you have decided to say sorry. Other people have heard this and they say it was such a petty thing to pick at me with stale chicken. The very next day, however, my flaws were again put under the glass when you questioned my inability to notify you of the smallest details in my life. I had to stay back to prepare the class, and then you took me out to release steam. I was disturbed and shocked by the kind of rage you gave me, considering you had decided to take a more gentle stance the day before. Teachers and friends came to help but the scolding ensued. At the very least you, got all your tension and frustration out, for all the reasons they were there.
Mainly, you have been saying that I have changed. You insist that I am no longer the 'Marky' you first met. All this you say implies I have changed for the worst. But not if you hear me out. You tell me that I am no longer the intelligent, compassionate, understanding, loving... I cannot bear to say all of those praises because they are not true. Girl,
I am a mere mortal. There is no reason to deny I was never the Marky you initially thought I was. You must have been struck by the initial flurry of emotions so that these things would be indistinguishable to your eyes. You assumed that I was the perfect person who was all-rounded and balanced in every way. I assure you, I am not. As my imperfections become more apparent through time, you assume that I have changed with time as well. Neither of us can deny it now, my flaws have always been there. If you would like the truth, the experiences I have garnered and the friendships and bonds I have struck with new friends have only made me more encouraged, bold and prepared to face the big world. I have changed for the better.
There have been many irregularities and unfair circumstances I feel that I have had to face while in this relationship. Then again, a relationship is all about compromise. Sharing this bond, I think we should cherish the new found freedom to explore our opportunities and make the most from our time. It is no use to fall into sadness and remain that way because there are so many things you have been blessed with.
I hope I have changed your perspective after hearing from my side. But I know there will be some people who may not understand and accept my feelings and opinions. These people must realise that they have to see the bigger picture as an omniscient observer and not get pulled to one side because they will work in the defense of one side only and assume the positions as belligerents to find the opposing side. I have spoken to individuals, including teachers about this matter and they believe gentler steps need to be taken on your part.
Many people have advised me on what to do now. I concur that I am so save the friendship, I must temporarily put it on hold. Yet, I'm afraid that you have misunderstood this. There is a blatant partition between being cold and distancing oneself. To be cold is to be hostile to others. You say that I am trying to end the friendship, that has no purpose! I have no reason to do so, and I believe in keeping friends. As for other people, you may not fully know it, but many of the people I have talked to feel and hope you would consider them as a closer friend. Spread your love and care to a bigger circle! The world is open to you.
From your amigo,
Mark C.
The loss of such innocent and good-hearted lives in the past few weeks has really shocked me because it revealed the ugly and horrific side of governance and rule, that is red-pounding greed which has incessantly and violently destroyed lives and shattered families. These events unfolded so shockingly close after one another, and we can all see that the selfish people in power will do anything to hide the past or silence the right.
Only one day later on the 16th, another innocent person had his life claimed by the clutches of greed; a Malaysian, Teoh Beng Hock. By now, we would have all known the story: Man detained by the MACC over corruption claims of person whom he is aide too, man is interrogated for 9 hours till wee hours of morning, man is found dead on rooftop of building near the building of that certain anti-corruption investigation body. Think you know who killed him? You could come to the conclusion that is as clear as day. Did he commit suicide? Maybe he was feeling sad? I DON'T THINK SO, considering he has no history of mental illnesses and he was to register his marriage with his girlfriend.
Geographical barriers are no longer a barrier. The people of the world are not blind to these injustices anymore and the more they are challenged the more determined they are to end this kind of opression. They will not die in vain.
